Parents and other relatives are not chosen. They are too small or weak to fend for themselves.
But toxic parents can be justified. Perhaps they themselves once grew up in a similar atmosphere and are now unknowingly copying the behavior of their parents. Or they simply don’t know how to behave properly, because they had no positive example before their eyes.
It is unlikely that anyone will consciously ruin their children’s lives. Correct the past will not work. But it’s important not to become a toxic parent yourself, but also to protect your borders even in adulthood.
10. Borrowers
Such parents constantly make decisions instead of their child. They tell him who to be friends with, where to go to study or work, whom to marry, etc. They can easily read the diary of a child, with outsiders discuss some sensitive issues.
Children try to break away from such parents as quickly as possible. As soon as this opportunity arises, they leave home, go to university or choose a job in another city.
To counter parental demands, you need to work on self-confidence. If your mother started a conversation that you don’t like, change the subject. Did she intensify criticism? Tell me directly that you are comfortable with this state of affairs and now you would like to discuss another topic.
9. Press on guilt
Toxic parents always put the child to blame. And this feeling of guilt is imposed on him because such a person is easier to manage. Children feel like eternal debtors.
Parents constantly emphasize how much they have done for the child, how much they sacrificed for him. And, manipulating a sense of guilt, they demand full submission from him.
Matured children forget about their interests, lose their own "I", returning this bad debt.
Remember that you are not to blame for anything. Turn off your fault button. If someone is trying to control you, do not react.
8. Eternal children
A family is not just a group of people or close friends. Adults not only provide children, but they themselves deal with all the problems, protect the kids from various troubles.
Powerless and irresponsible parents become toxic. Because of them, the child is forced to grow up faster, because they shoulder their problems on his frail shoulders.
Children are not nannies for younger brothers or sisters; they should not listen to revelations about financial difficulties or about the personal problems of the mother.
Younger family members should have some responsibilities, but they cannot be overloaded. It is useful for children to walk, play with friends, etc.
7. Perfection
Father and mother are successful people, they were able to achieve a lot in life. And that would be good if not for one “but.”
The child was suggested or he himself believed that his parents understand everything better than him, they are both smarter and more beautiful. Against their background, he feels himself worthless and worthless.
It’s not necessary to destroy the pedestal on which you put your parents. It’s better to go the other way: to develop yourself.
Mentally shield yourself from others, find your strengths and weaknesses. Write what you know how to do well. And then build your life, without external influence.
6. Drinking parents
A child who grows up next to an alcoholic is constantly tense. It is difficult for him to build any relationship, not only amorous, but also friendly. He grows hyperresponsible and insecure.
Preoccupied with the problems of the spouse, the mother does not give children any attention, they are often left to their own devices. No one is interested in their successes at school, hobbies and even whether the child ate or not.
Do not blame yourself for what happened in your family, even if your parents convinced you otherwise. Chat with families where everything is fine. Do not repeat parental mistakes.
5. Eternal parents
Usually adults prepare children for an independent life. But this category of toxic parents makes it clear that they will constantly patronize their "baby", no matter how old he is.
They are ready to wash his things, clean the house and do everything that an adult man or woman must cope with themselves. Such kind parents render a “disservice” to their children, because they grow up completely independent and helpless.
If you recognize yourself, make a list of what you would like to manage on your own. Learn and feel strong and confident. And then inform your parents that you would like to do all this yourself. Believe me, they will be glad that you have finally matured.
4. Degrading
The child constantly hears criticism. They insult him, often make fun of him, pick up offensive nicknames. And all this is justified by the fact that in this way they prepare him for harsh reality.
This attitude leaves deep emotional scars and affects the child’s self-esteem. Children raised in such families may have suicidal tendencies.
When communicating with such parents, you can end the conversation at any time. Try not to respond to insults, do not give in to emotions, answer in a monosyllabic. Then they will understand that their words did not reach the goal.
3. Ghosts
No, these parents did not die, they are alive, healthy, but they flicker nearby like ghosts. They are not nearby or they are not accessible psychologically. Such parents do not show any interest in their child, are indifferent to him, although outwardly they can portray friendliness or severity.
Remember that you cannot make another person love you and spend time with you. Well, if there is someone who wants to take care of you.
Often these children grow up too independent, do not show emotions, but can gradually melt their heart. To do this, you can come up with imaginary parents, endow them with the best qualities: loving, cheerful, calm, etc.
And then repeat to yourself the phrases that these parents could pronounce, for example, "I am ready to listen to you carefully, all my time is at your disposal."
2. Daffodil Parents
They immediately raised the bar, made it clear to the child that they expect only the highest results from them. All the achievements of the baby are taken for granted. And if he did something wrong somewhere, the child will be humiliated, devaluing comments.
Do not listen to what narcissistic parents say, it doesn’t matter whether they scold you or praise you. Do not argue with them and do not persuade.
Pretend that you agree with everything, but let everything pass by. Defend your borders, even if they are resisting.
1. Perfectionists
They have achieved great success at work and intend to make real perfection from their child. They shift all responsibility for family stability onto the shoulders of the child, and at the same time throw off all the stress they receive at work.
Such parents often set unattainable goals for their children, expect from them what the kids cannot do yet. They do not understand that the child is still small, he has no life experience.
Demanding a perfect result from him, they only contribute to the emergence of fears. Children think that they can’t do it and stop doing anything.
Remember that you must not prove anything to anyone. If you do what you love, success will certainly be, and all the humiliation and reproaches are already in the past.