Many parents make serious mistakes in raising a child. Unfortunately, no one taught us to become parents, and therefore adults act according to the situation, allowing, for example, to use curses and physical force in response to the vagaries and stupid actions of their own child.
In no case should this be done; remember that any controversial situation with a child is solved by a normal conversation with a detailed explanation of why it is impossible to do what the child allows himself to do.
There are a lot of nuances in the upbringing, but today we will touch on the topic of praise and tell you how best not to behave in situations where your son or daughter are waiting for positive comments.
10. Do not compare the child with others
Comparing a child with his classmates or the children of your friends is a direct road to uncertainty and complexes that will fully manifest themselves in the adult age of your child.
The child will be afraid to make decisions, will constantly ask for advice and feel like an inferior person, unable to do anything right. After all, mother so often said that her friend’s son is much smarter than her own son.
If you want happiness for your child and want to protect him from going to the psychotherapist, then refuse to belittle his dignity by praising other children.
9. If you do not know what to praise for - come up with
Children need attention and support, especially when they fail. Believe me, they too can lose faith in themselves and give up because of failures. Your praise may help bring children back to their desire to continue acting.
Imagine that your son failed a math test, for which he was preparing hard. A bad option would be to start scolding the child and belittle his efforts, saying that since the control is overwhelmed, it means that the child was not preparing hard enough.
With these words, you will discourage your son from any desire to continue studying the subject and try, it will seem that his efforts are always insufficient.
A good option: to support the child, to say that next time everything will work out and praise him for his success in some other matter. Praise at least for the fact that he honestly admits his defeat in writing the control, because admitting an error is an adult's act.
8. Praise must be honest and deserved.
Children feel false, therefore, praising a child in situations where he himself understands perfectly well that he could not do it is stupid and useless. After such praise, children will simply stop trusting your opinion and emotions.
Avoid common phrases such as: “You're done,” “You did it better than anyone,” especially if the child understands that he was not the best in the business for which you praise him.
So it’s better to praise with phrases about specific moments, for example: “You have so well repelled the attack in the first half!” This will make it clear to the child that you really watched the game and can highlight the moment that you liked the most.
To interest a parent in a child’s hobbies is sometimes the best recognition of his success.
7. Think about what the child wanted to achieve.
Try to identify the main goal for which the child tried. Indeed, sometimes it’s not enough to praise just an attempt or to admit the fact of achievement.
For example, a daughter learned a poem by Pushkin. Action is cramming a verse, but the goal is the beauty of performance.
Praise the child not because he sat still and memorized the rhymed lines, but for how he beautifully recites the poem, you can tell the intonation and gestures at certain points, first, of course, specifying whether the child needs your advice.
6. Clarify what you praise
We have already briefly touched upon the importance of this moment earlier. Praising the child, avoid common phrases. If you just want to make your daughter happy without a reason, saying: “What a beauty you are!”, There is nothing negative about it.
But if, for example, a daughter applied makeup, you can praise her work specifically: how she suits the color of her chosen lipstick, how beautifully she brought her eyes, how neatly she painted her nails.
The emphasis on details always underlines our interest in the fact that internally children are very encouraging, as they feel their worth.
5. If already praised, do not refuse it
Never take your words of praise back. Even if a child did something stupid and upset you to take your words back, it means to devalue the child’s efforts and their importance, focusing on the misconduct.
For example, you praised your son for a high mark, and then the child could not fulfill your request, for example, did not keep track of the porridge in the pan, and that boiled over to the stove. You are angry and throw a phrase on emotions that your child is not capable of anything, even can’t keep track of porridge. This remark will devalue the praise for the high praise previously stated, because according to the latest words, the child is not capable of anything, that’s what he will remember.
4. Praise for your efforts
If the child is unable to do something perfectly, then you can praise him for his efforts. But not with the general phrase “You did everything you could,” as if pronouncing a template out of pity. And focus on the good points.
For example, the child could not draw a still life, on which he worked for a long time. But how beautiful the shadows on the vase are! And the background drapery is very successful.
Tell your child about this, then the last thing he will remember after the overtaking failure is the strong points of his work, and not a general failure.
3. Support praise with non-verbal components
Hug or kiss your child when you praise him, this will emphasize how much you are proud of him, that you can’t even hold back your emotions.
In addition, psychologists recommend hugging a child several times a day, even without reason, but if you find it difficult to show feelings everyday, then use non-verbal components at least when you praise the child.
Body contact with us is very important for children, because touching is the easiest way to make it clear to a person that we like him.
2. Do not make vain promises
When making praise, you should not make predictions that you are not sure about. Mentally, of course, no one will forbid you to consider your son a great footballer, and your daughter the future ballerina of the Bolshoi Theater.
But it’s better not to say such things aloud, since subconsciously this places a burden of obligations on children's shoulders. And the son will play football not for his own pleasure, but not to let you down.
1. Do not praise for every little thing
The meaning of everything is lost if this happens too often. Praise in this case is no exception, so it would be a bad idea to praise a child for the most obvious actions. “Wow, you eat this sandwich so cool!” - Agree, it sounds ridiculous. And if every day you hear admiration for any action, this will lead to disastrous consequences.
Praise will lose all significance, even for victory and real achievements; the child will be disappointed in the real world when it turns out that not all people are ready to sing praises to him every second about how unusual he is tying shoelaces.
Be reasonable and properly praise your children!